Sometimes I feel like 3 people wrapped inside one body and mind.
I am a 55 year old woman searching to find a direction, a career in life that is meaningful and makes me want to get out of bed in the morning.
I taught high school for 28 years and will never do that again. That’s all I know with total certainty. I am at another crossroad in life. This one is the most painful because I don’t have “my life ahead of me.” At my age, most of my life has been “lived,” but I am still trying to find something fulfilling in my last decades. I don’t mean purpose necessarily. I taught with great passion and purpose. I simply cannot do that anymore. I need something that really excites me and doesn’t drain me to where I feel dead most of the time. And I have no fucking idea in which direction to go. I don’t even know how to work this blog thing. I can’t even change the picture on my page. I don’t know anything. This is going to be challenging just to learn the particulars about blogging let alone my actual journey to something meaningful. OMG~ this is already painful and confusing and I haven’t really started yet. #mydilemma
Why do this?
- I initially starting writing emails to myself regarding my state of mind and this crossroad that I am currently standing at, then I shared with a couple of friends. Then I decided that I didn’t want to share anymore. Then I decided that maybe I should write a blog to see if anyone else is interested in this horrible, confusing journey.
- The first few blogs will be straight from my emails so you can see where I began this journey a few years ago.
- I am hoping that writing this blog will eventually end in direction and clarity.
- I hope that others may read this blog about trying to reach my ‘destination unknown’ and perhaps gain some clarity in their own journeys.
- It is possibly the scariest thing that I have done. To attempt to write the million thoughts racing through my head and not judge myself to death.